October is the worst month to be a zombie. First, we hate “pumpkin spice” — it’s gross, but avoidable if we don’t chomp any women wearing UGGs. The second point is the most difficult, however: Halloween. October 31st is the worst day of the year, besides Valentine’s Day. Love cannot be turned into a commercial […]
Even in this rapidly changing world, we can always count on a few annual events — swallows returning to Capistrano, back-to-school sales, and the annual Fox News whining about the War on Christmas. According to their complaints, godless anti-religious socialists are trying to ruin the American way of life by asking that governments, schools, and even, […]
Where, oh where, have the womenfolk gone? I may have been spoiled last presidential election, but the 2012 campaign season has been so dudely I can hardly stand it.
I can practically feel you rolling your eyes at me right now. “Another pretentious snot who gets all shitty about a stupid cute font,” you’re probably thinking. And, well, you’re right. I’m pretentious, I’m a snot, and I fucking hate Comic Sans.
Subject N insisted on being referred to as “Project Alpha” because he doesn’t like things in alphabetical order, but I do, so we’ll just go ahead and do both. Special thanks to Project Alpha/Subject N for answering these questions with absolutely no idea as to why he was being asked. He’s a good sport.
There are many ways in which I could be a better person. I could drop my laundry quarters into the coffee cups of the panhandlers outside my office. I could work to suppress my nervous reaction to sad or uncomfortable news, which is to giggle uncontrollably.
This week, we learn that a very special American is visiting India, a childhood icon is still a genius, and if you ever go down to Georgia, don’t drink anything anyone carrying a “Don’t Tread On Me” sign hands you. Especially if it’s in a little paper Dixie cup. Actually, that last bit of advice […]
When I was growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, I was a stereotypical latchkey kid. My folks were never home and after school I would, after my homework was done (and sometimes before), spend my afternoons in front of the TV. It is, of course, a truth universally acknowledged that this is a bad […]
The saying “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar” has gone out of vogue, mostly because flies don’t support haute couture habits, nor will they finance a 100-acre estate. If you want to be rich, throw out the honey and the vinegar; invest in pepper spray. In America anyway, a good number of […]
Both proponents and would-be detractors of Second Amendment rights (or, as I’ve dubbed it, “the right to bear any type of arm, for any purpose, in any company, despite my mental health status, ability to shoot straight, or profligate yen for hurting people”) are now swarming out of the woodwork, lobbing potshots in the form […]
The single biggest new item this week was the shooting in Tucson, which so overshadowed, among other things, the first full work week of the 112th Congress, that most of today’s round-up items are directly or tangentially related to it. As in the wake of Columbine, both sides of the gun rights debate have proposed […]
It’s unsurprising that, in the oversexed, testosterone-infused, male-dominated political subset of already patriarchal U.S. culture, women might feel the need to one up the boys in order to get ahead. Bits and pieces of Sarah Palin’s weirdness and seeming loss of control over her public image are starting to coalesce and even explain, to a […]
If you sniff around news blogs, rumors of “Obama’s 2012 comeback” or “Obama’s primary challenge” are starting to metastasize out of all the ugliness and criticism and backlash our dear President’s been facing pretty much since day one in the Oval Office. If you sniff around Fox News, the speculation tends to be shaped more […]