I don’t know about you kids, but after last week’s harrowing episode of America’s Next Top Model, I’m about ready to swear allegiance to the dark side of modeling, where instead of smizing (smiling with your eyes), you snmass (sneer malevolently with your ass). I’m snmassing as I type. Someone give me a car.
Welcome, friends, to another exciting recap of ANTM, America’s Nastiest Toe Medications. I am your host, I. M. Masochist. Sit back and soak those feet like the specialist told you — we’re in for one toe jammin’ time!
Hark! Do you hear the tinkling of the bells? It’s America’s Next Top Model time! Remember, every time a bell rings, a moddle gets her smize. Wait, maybe that was my microwave burrito buzzer. Whatever. I’ll smize at the burrito, no matter what happens with Ty Ty and friends.